The heaviness of my heart lands on my fingertips today. I begin to move toward clarity yet the message that calls to be written hides behind a veil of obscurity.
So many times confident words leave my heart driven by the power of a story I tell myself. At times, this story is crafted as a wish for you as well so that you may not get caught in the sticky web of regret. Memories of my past indiscretions forgotten by most observers live violently free in a world created by the harshest critic, me.
Yet the redemptive power of the word saves my soul. Each word painstakingly chosen to craft a story of hope.
Hope is the answer for redemption. Calling on deliverance, writing can move shattered hearts in the direction of a lifeline.
Your words and mine may intertwine to reach the same objective, to free people to be who they were created to be. Dwelling on a hurtful past does not bring a good future. And the work of my spirit today is to share hope. A hope that carried me from harmed and harmful (to self) to helpful. The pain of the past does not need to build a wall.
Breaking down the barriers between harm and help redeems us all.
“And one has to understand that braveness is not the absence of fear, but rather the strength to keep on going forward despite the fear.” — Paulo Coelho
Slowly, I trudge on. Fear tries to stop me in my tracks. When I speak of fear, it’s not panic or fright dreading something horrible. Rather, an uneasiness that lightly gnaws at my confidence causing me to believe that perhaps I may be a little too bold to tread in a world of unknown outcomes with only hope in my backpack.
My writing has grown from the seeds of momentary epiphanies to an appreciation so great, I desire to encourage and inspire with insight. This monumental endeavor creates small episodic heart flutters and vague insecurity. From a past of seeking accomplishment for recognition, my concern is remaining authentic on all levels.
Yes, we all write what we know, but some days I feel I just don’t know.
This unknowing creates a stumbling block that could potentially grow into a mountain. It is here where I seek to encourage myself with words of resilience and put fear where it belongs, buried by hope. And so, I have reset courage and continue my journey.
An event arises in my life as a lesson in resilience. Although it may seem like a small setback for some people, in my world, I saw it as tragic. The words I so lovingly inscribed on the computer screen with hours of painstaking editorial creation disappeared in a flash, in an electrical surge that lasted less than ten seconds.
The devastation cannot be described in a grammatically correct format. My poetic soul was reawakened with an intense raw pain. My newly formed art form had disappeared before it could even be introduced to this world. I searched for it for hours until I had nothing left but to helplessly admit it was gone forever.
Tears fell as torrents of hopeless waves shattered my calm satisfaction felt only after a good work is finished. Circumstances beyond my control had obliterated my work.
What can I learn from this unfortunate disaster? Best laid plans…No matter how hard you work, you will face futility in the face.
And it is here in this hopeless moment I recognize, in order to help others, you must learn how to help yourself. In order to learn how to help yourself, you must focus on helping others. Circles, unending connections that take us back to the beginning of the cycle, in everything we do.
This depth of reasoning is pouring out from my exhalations of surrender. My body shakes with sadness, and I feel foolishly revived.
The words keep replaying in my head, “attitudes of gratitude.” How do you find gratitude in a moment of dissolution? Why must we fall down to get up?
We all follow the same pattern of growth as we are unwittingly thrust into this world, forced to take the next step of humanness. And we start with one deep breath of oxygen, a chemical composition foreign to our tiny little lungs, yet so powerful that it sustains our life on this planet, for close to a century, among all the other humans that began their life the very same way. Who can control that mighty power?
The same power reminds me sternly and daily that I am ultimately not the one in control. Trusting myself as the guide and the only guide leads to a false sense of security. The rug of uncontrolled circumstances can be ripped out from underneath me at any given moment. So where is the encouragement? I will turn the table for you.
Growth, change, and resiliency have much in common. We physically grow and change often without our initial determination and yet great resiliency is required on our part at times. Babies grow stronger and advance from crawling to walking, and we’ve all watched the tedious process of falling to get back up. Teenagers mature and are faced with hormonal challenges that knock them back to toddlerhood to work through the adaptation to adulthood. The silent growth often goes unobserved, yet a process we undergo throughout our lives, requiring the greatest resiliency.
Because we don’t often volunteer for the hard lessons, outside circumstances force their way into our lives requiring mandatory submission. Our choice remains to choose resilience and change our attitude to gratitude.
The lesson of assigning too much importance to my own abilities, recognizing the wondrous source of my creative and curious mind, and surrendering to fateful circumstances rounds out my repertoire this past week.
The gifts of my soul are granted to me to share with you. Messages originating from my heart connect the dots. The message I lost was a good one, but I see now it clearly was missing the point. I spent hours crafting a message on intuitive guidance, focused on self-driven ambitions, rather than maintaining a trustful reliance on the direction of a great and almighty force, who guides my steps and makes them sure.
May you also find your way through the powerful surges of unexpected events by relying on, whomever you believe to be, the force of greatness.
Lifting my eyes up from staring at the floor in defeat, has brought me to you today.
-Erika K Rothwell
“When defeat comes, accept it as a signal that your plans are not sound, rebuild those plans, and set sail once more toward your coveted goal.”