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Kaleidoscope of Hope – True Inspiration

April 8, 2019July 26, 2019by Erika K Rothwell2 Comments

Fragmented, broken pieces of myself have formed into a moving creative pattern appearing through a kaleidoscope induced image of myself. My feelings of inconsistency remind me to accept the orderliness of a divine arrangement marked with symmetry and cohesiveness to produce authentic work reflecting my individual design.

Psychology of perception ground up learning theory would state that I am a product of experience. What I see is because of what I already know. Having learned to finally tweak the vision of those broken parts into some sort of manageable recurring design for others to view plays on this well-accepted theory. However, what is perceived still remains subjective.

Events can turn the environment causing a new realm of stability, slightly shifting the lens, and strikingly new patterns emerge. Consider too that each repetitive pattern is continually morphing into a modified version of itself until it becomes completely unrecognizable in the metamorphosis, retaining only some of its original colors.

We can all recognize the beauty in the constantly changing visions of a kaleidoscope. But can we accept change in ourselves?

Vivid colors surround me daily, awakening a deeply-rooted purpose to express my feelings and reflections in the form of artistic creation. I cannot deny the profound effect of colorful displays of inspirational images on my heart. Motivation to share and create is born from these visions of delight. Flowers, birds, and trees, as well as oceans and mountain streams, enlighten me and guide my heart deeper into a natural realm of being where self-acceptance combines with a desire for a non-hurried lifestyle to allow my dreams to thrive.

As in the turn of a kaleidoscope, creative development often remains a work in progress and a mystery. A journey refined by every step. Joy felt from our individual perspective of each design as seen today without our eyes on tomorrow or our hearts left in the struggles of yesterday.

It is for each of us to appreciate the constantly changing visions of our inner kaleidoscopes.

For what we think to be true, is often only true because of how we see it.

hope, Personal Growth

Garden of Hope

February 6, 2019February 6, 2019by Erika K RothwellLeave a Comment

What is the story you are telling yourself today?

Are you facing anxiety because of a job that sucks life’s energy out of you? Do you feel stuck in a bad relationship? Or are you facing a difficult health decision? Do your steps feel heavier as each day of the week passes?

You may feel suffocating sensations come to the surface as you face an endless cycle of forced obligations and nauseating habitual motions. Your breaths may likely become shallower, you may neglect your basic needs, and you may develop a gloomy outlook as you forget to look for the sun each day.

As the sun rises, a promise is extended for a new day to make the necessary changes, to accept growth, and move in a direction that complements vitality. Yet, so many wither in the repetition of monotony on an endless treadmill of dread.

Walk with me in the “Garden of Hope” for a moment. Consider that we need space to breathe, water and food to thrive, and sunlight to grow. At times our environment works against these necessities.

So what do we tell ourselves at this point? Do you hear yourself crying, “Nothing will ever change.”, Or “I have no choice.” Mental mantras drive our actions and build foundations for tomorrow. Why not instead focus on words of affirmation powerful enough to destroy the amplified barriers we place in our own way?

“Breathe in the scent of inspiration and aspiration.” – Erika K Rothwell

Change the message, walk through a “garden”. Breathe in the scent of inspiration and aspiration. Don’t give up on your dreams.

We cannot let the weeds of distraction and hopelessness choke out our will to thrive. When we remove the unnecessary overgrowth of negativity and self-imposed expectations space opens granting us breathing room, hampering the weight of anxious thoughts and giving us an opportunity for growth.

Think of ways you can use obstacles in your current situation as stepping stones to a greater plan. Plant the seeds of tomorrow in your imagination today. Daydream for a moment. And if you are a list person, write a bucket list and fill it with everything your heart imagines, no matter what the hurdles may be.

“Think of ways you can use obstacles in your current situation as stepping stones to a greater plan.” – Erika K Rothwell

As flowers need rain to soak their roots and make them stronger, we also benefit from the washing away of the old story to gain deeper insight into our desires. After the storm, let us be motivated to look toward the sun, as it shines its positivity on us and helps us set buds of change for tomorrow’s bloom.

And when the sun sets, on a day “outside” of the ordinary, remind yourself to look for it tomorrow as you begin a new chapter.

As soon as we embrace our freedom to choose genuinely and share our unique colors by following our passions, a refreshing array of authenticity will fill drab spaces with joy.

And that’s the beauty in the “Garden of Hope”.

-Erika K Rothwell

Growth, hope, love

Hope – In Ashes of Love

February 4, 2019February 4, 2019by Erika K Rothwell10 Comments

Hope arises from the ashes, a time to reframe and rebuild.

Love begins as a flame that burns so bright. Eventually, there are only embers, flickers of warmth lighting up what remains.

When we are left with the cold ashes of a fully disintegrated relationship, only hope can move us forward. Hope for second-chances, hope for change, and hope for a new life motivates our steps in the right direction.

To risk love is to risk being hurt. The paradox that exists within relationships can send ripples of sorrow our way. But love is not supposed to hurt us, so why all the pain?

We were not born to live another person’s life. Yet once we fall in love, the connection makes it difficult to recognize where our boundaries end and the other’s begin. At times we may even feel lost to ourselves, fully engrossed in our loved one’s drama, leaving little time for our own development.

Yet why do we fight against freeing ourselves from a destructive cycle, even when possessive and dependent actions suck the life out of us?

It is only by letting go of the illusion of what could be, allowing what is, and accepting we are powerless over another’s choices in life that heals what is left of a suffering relationship. We can make a choice. When we stop responding to the narratives of the past, we find strength within the power of adversity. As the poet, Rumi said, “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”

If and when we have embraced our inability to fix the other person and the embers burn out, we will know it is time to move on. The suffering is done. The closure is painful yet peaceful, and we must believe hope will light another fire when it’s time. For Rumi also said, “where there is ruin, there is hope for treasure.”

– Erika K Rothwell

Disclaimer: This was written for the loved ones in my life facing breakups and heartbreak. Empathy from my past ignited the rawness of this post.

Growth, hope

Power of Hope – A Transformation – Day 22

January 25, 2019January 26, 2019by Erika K RothwellLeave a Comment

A door opens to tomorrow. What I hope for today may not be the same for tomorrow. Each day brings growth and change. As I unconsciously step through the doorway of today, a picture begins to materialize bringing me closer to a conscious choice, the next door.

A calling from deep within combined with enticing opportunities placed in front of me sets the stage for personal transformation, a process I cannot avoid but have learned to appreciate.

In the past, I found myself frustrated as I wavered between possibilities. I now welcome the flexibility and freedom of thought and feeling that it brings. There is comfort in knowing that I do not have to choose all the doors at once. And I lean on self-acceptance throughout the odyssey as I slowly regain my balance.

We cannot avoid the imbalance caused by sudden changes or obstacles set in our way, especially if we find instant decisions difficult. But, harnessing the power of hope and letting it lead us in the decisions of the day, while we regain our footing, can help guide us in choosing the right door for tomorrow.

-Erika K Rothwell

hope

Hope Unfolds – Pink Flowers – Day 20

January 23, 2019January 24, 2019by Erika K Rothwell4 Comments

For the past week, I watched them unfold. A vase of tulips sat on my kitchen counter moving through one stage of intoxicating beauty to another, each day’s visual array outdoing the previous day. And a stinging yet joyful memory was aroused.

My dad passed away this month two years ago. He bought me flowers. First, he asked what color I liked and I told him to choose since he was the one buying me flowers.

He chose pink. They were tulips, breathing a little fresh air into January after the unimaginable heartache of the holidays. It was to be the last day he would ever choose anything for me.

We had just left the cancer specialist office where he jovially conversed with the doctor, and still tried to beat him in an arm wrestle, with the little bit of steroid strength he had left.

After stopping for a lunch where he ordered his final Jonnie Walker, allowed by the doctor, we decided to pick up a few groceries. The dichotomous marital relationship between my mom and him caused regular disagreements and I was once again mediating an argument, this time about chestnuts, in the middle of Central Market. My Dad wanted more even though we had just ordered a large box straight from the grower somewhere in the middle of the country. And his obsession with chestnuts continued morphing into a typical battle of words that he always won. All the while, I watched through a haze as I was still trying to process the meaning of the doctor’s words from an hour ago, “Call hospice now”.

Somewhere in the midst of all this, my Dad felt compelled to choose the first ever flowers for me.

Apparently, the large tumor was gone from his brain, but the inflammation was beginning to wreak havoc. He had survived brain surgery at the age of 86. And this was week 3 post surgery, one day before he fell into a coma.

The flowers lasted longer than any other tulips I had ever had. I now look at the small glass vase holding the dried pink petals as it sits on the shelf. Suddenly the writhing waves of loss shake me, yet the view of the new tulips I have watched daily for the past week infuse joy and hope into my tears.

Life is a beautiful yet arduous journey. It is through the unfolding of these petals, I am reawakened to the hope that he is still here somewhere with me. Although we can’t hold our loved ones forever in our arms, they live on in our hearts.

-Erika K Rothwell

An excerpt from a memoir in progress.