Selfish Servanthood

Purple Iris on black background
Find the Heart of Your Matter – Even in the Darkness

Inside of me exists a longing, a creative nudge to keep on writing.  I read posts and writings from my past, and I crave the space and haven’t created within those words.  Words that build a fortress sheltering my heart from the storm.

The storm of emotions swirling beneath the surface of a finely tuned appearance seeking only accolades from outside sources.  Where the truth lays buried, in the heart of my matter.  The voice from a powerful source strives to reach me in this space inviting me to connect and seek glory outside of myself.  And so, I reach for servanthood.

Within that servanthood, I feel a loss and resentment builds.  Self imposed restrictions keep me hidden.  The longing within my heart is to glorify the one who granted me the gift to speak and yet I fail to align my purpose with a greater calling.

Within my lack, I search my heart to discover the path that could lead me there.  To a place where I may never arrive.  For it is the self in myself that keeps me stuck.  

However, when I turn me into you, the path takes a turn toward brighter days.  For it is me sharing and speaking to you that matters to me.  I forget the purpose of my writing to help me help you.  For I have suffered like you.   I have pulled myself out of a black hole so I can tell you that you can do it.  I exist so maybe I can share what really matters.

And what really matters is in the heart of your matter.

-Erika K Rothwell

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