“If you ignore beauty,

You will soon find yourself without it…

But if you invest in beauty,

It will remain with you all the days of your life.”

Frank Lloyd Wright

I had existed for over a month in a self-formed chrysalis, trying to heal from long-standing grief buried beneath the cement of feigned acceptance.  So many tears longed to be shed, yet the well-constructed dam had held them securely in place.  A release then took place in  “a little cottage by the sea, where I planted my heart for thee.”

I had no place to go after she passed.  Her bosom of compassion stripped from me.  And I, like so many before me, had to crawl through an emptiness, so hollow, to reach the memories that live in the arms of beauty that wrap around me every day.  Then, Whim-Sea, a place to remind me of that sweet comfort, the approving words and smile from my mother and greatest supporter, was discovered and named.  At times providing an distraction, and other times a heavy dose of despair.

I thought I had lost my centre, unable to find compassion for self. The language of my soul waned beneath a hazy sky.  Yet, a whisper of my meaning, beyond the listlessness, was heard.  So I packed the baggage I had carried for so long, and continued on my journey, step by step, word by word, back to heal on the shores of solitude.

Every thought, every word, and every phrase may have been written in some form before me.  Perhaps true, for as my mother so often quoted, “there is nothing new under the sun”.  Yet, my calling cannot not be silenced.  It must be rewritten from under a leaf, under a tree, weaved into a silk coating from everything that has made me, me. And from the fluid of my salty tears, the vision is clear.

In a chrysalis, there is darkness.  Although appearing a time of rest, there is a breaking down of the old to make way for a new life. In order for transformation to take place, a secure environment is needed, as a haven for renewal and restoration. 

During this time, it is easy to overlook the work taking place.  The process of digesting the past, and accepting the parts of ourselves we no longer need for our growth, is not instantaneous. Growth never appears all at once, unless you time-lapse the vision.  But within the protective covering, the parts of us already forming are able to be born. 

Behind the scenes, in observations and analysis, the words of this writer are layered as life is, moments built from moments.  Until, an experience is birthed.  From the bitter painful to the peak of exhilaration, these experiences lead us to discover the true beauty that already existed within us.

When a butterfly is about to emerge, its protective coating becomes more transparent.  The patterns and colors of a new life about to re-emerge become apparent.  In my attempt to look for something outside of myself, something to grasp onto, I neglected to see the colors that were mixing behind the silk chrysalis.  Reforming the life within, I emerged with something unexpected, more of me but with wings.

Although beauty is always around us, our inner beauty may appear faded through the murky filter of painful experiences.  But when you believe in the beauty of life and your heart contains it, it returns in splendor.  Released from the transformational shelter, it is set free.

I can now see, as a butterfly glides through the fragrant blossoms of Whim-Sea’s cottage garden, that she, mother, beauty remains with me, in my heart, all the days of my life. 

In Beauty,

©Erika K Rothwell